we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize