turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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