If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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