10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
