Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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