you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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