I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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