Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
