Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize