he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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