Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize