SEEEEXXX PLEASE
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
