You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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