Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize