girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
