Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
