We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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