i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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