That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
