You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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