Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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