If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
