wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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