wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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