Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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