i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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