I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
