Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
