its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
