I molested 6 butterflies tonight
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
