I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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