Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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