If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
