Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
