the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
