Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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