She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
