You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
