I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
