dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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