I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
God, I missed his penis.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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