I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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