My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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