this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
