why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
