Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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