Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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