I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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