so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
