apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
