I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
