..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
