You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
