walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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