it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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