hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You were trust falling into bushes
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
