see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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