Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
