so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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