Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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