Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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