i may or may not be watching the land before time
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize