Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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