Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
