we're blogging at a bar
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
home. puking in laundry basket.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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