Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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