hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
