Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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